Yeah, that’s Bryan Cranston (a.k.a. Walter White/Heisenberg) from Breaking Bad.  But it might as well be me!  My RV is in the photo below his. Aside from not making meth in my RV, my days are pretty much the same as Heisenberg’s. I rarely get dressed.  I shower and shave only when necessary.  I’ve been here exactly four weeks and my pillow case of a laundry bag is only half full.  My RV sits high in the jungle and I am so secluded from neighbors that I literally wear my boxer briefs everywhere and all the time.  It’s so tranquil here that after 5pm I hear nothing but the waves crashing below.  Retirement life is very, very different than normal life in so many ways.  I don’t use a clock, let alone an alarm.  I forget what day it is because there are no more weekdays vs. weekends. 

My happy times are sitting outside of my 200 square foot Winnebago, reading or writing while sipping or smoking.  Of late I’ve been trying to get better at flying my new drone.  They say it can take video from 100 feet up but so far my only videos have captured epic crashes.  I suppose like Heisenberg, I too pass alotta time scheming how to make a buck while doing as little as possible to actually work for one. What I’m saying here is that the biggest adjustments so far have not much to do with where I am, but more to do with retirement itself. 

Instead of planning for class, or giving class, or caretaking my mother or her house – 100% of my thoughts are inward and selfish.  “How can I meet women? …where should I travel to next?…should I get a dog? …should I do a fake marriage for residency papers? …is trailer life for me, or do I want an apartment? …should I exercise or join a gym? …why do I care if I’m 20 lbs. overweight anyway …what do I want for dinner?” On and on, over and over.  Trust me – you’d be bored.  Honestly, I am.  This past month has been a well-deserved vacation.  I can stand to do this a few more months, but then I’ve got to figure out what next year looks like.  Open a breakfast burrito cart?  Become an Amazon reseller? Teach ESL online and/or to the locals?  Build a house? Hey I may look like Mick Jagger on the outside, but dammit I’m still young at heart!

The PROS:

The Weather

Sure, it’s hot and humid here.  But it’s not too bad because I dress like Tarzan. September is actually the off-season and the local Expat population all went north for the summer.  For the rich Expats it’s the usual October – April in Mexico and May – September in Canada or the US.  The temperature’s been in the high 80s ever since I got here.  I’d prefer temps in the 70s, who wouldn’t, but I’ll take this weather any day over the triple digits of Arizona and Sonora.  I was so sick of the heat and even more so the full-on sun every day.  I actually look forward to our partly cloudy days and afternoon showers. 

The Coffee

I’m a coffee fanatic.  Three cups a day.  Expresso, Americano, hot or cold, I love ‘em all.  I’ve tasted coffees from Brazil to Hawaii.  From Jamaican Blue and from the scat of Phillippine monkeys.  I can distinguish between some of the general coffee regions and discern some of the flavor notes.  In fact the local coffee plantations are among the reasons I choose to locate in this area. I’ve long preferred Nayarit coffee over all other Mexican coffees, even the more popular, but too mild Chiapas and Veracruz varieties.  The Riviera Nayarit has areas of volcanic soil and its lush jungles provide high canopy shade.  Coffee plants (as well as banana, mango, guanabara, etc.) thrive in this hot, humid, ocean air.  Next important is the roasting – not too long or risk carbonization and decaffeination (e.g. Colombian, Starbucks). There are several roasters in the area and I’ve found the “Goldilocks” one toasting the beans just right. Next is the freshness.  My coffee was roasted this week; your coffee was roasted last month, or longer ago.  And lastly, the preparation.  Every morning I grind my beans and French Press them (not a euphemism 😉) In other words I am blessed with freshly cracked beans simmered in scalding hot water.  Can you smell it now?

The Food

To be honest, I’m ‘jonesing’ for some American junk food.  I especially miss the greasy hamburgers and French fries.  There isn’t a chain restaurant for hours in any direction.  Old habits die hard.  While I lived in “tacos carne asada” Sonora, on weekends I was able to score a Culver’s Butterburger or some Panda Express.  Chacala is a tourist destination and the restaurants here aren’t for me; they’re pricy and mediocre.  By avoiding the restaurants I’m forced to eat healthier.  The wholesalers to the restaurants however, have been a goldmine providing me with fresh artisanal breads and desserts, fresh ceviche and whole fish, and fresh fruits and vegetables for my protein smoothies.  This region must be the capital of Banana Bread and I’m devouring at least a loaf a week 🤦🏼‍♂️ Cooking in an RV is a lot of work, but I have a lot of time and the alternatives are slim. Plus home cooking 95% of the time makes my bi-monthly trips into Puerto Vallarta all the more exciting.  I’ve been twice now, the first time ordering BBQ Ribs and the second time ordering the seasonal stuffed and cream sauce smothered Poblano pepper called Chile en Nogada (made only in September for Mes Patria). 

Chile en Nogada plate from Restaurant Andale in Puerto Vallarta

Not that I drink a lot, but, when I do, if it’s not a cold beer it’s a reposado tequila.  And where does tequila come from?  Only from the Mexican state of Jalisco.  The village of Tequila, Jalisco is maybe a couple of hours from here.  What you pay $20-40 for I pay $10-20.  Plus I pass through Tequila to and from Guadalajara so picking up a few bottles is now a habit.  A good habit, right?

The people.  If you don’t know Mexico, then you don’t know that it’s both a dangerous place and safe place.  This paradox makes for some misleading crime statistics.  On one hand the country is run by the mafia.  Mafia is the term used here for the Cartel, who are human and narco-traffickers.  The crime between warring factions and among themselves is high.  The death totals are staggering and the reporting of torture and slaughter is horrific. Given the comparatively small population of Mexico vs. the US, crime stats would lead you to believe it’s dangerous here.  And it is – in Cartel-controlled areas.  In areas that are not of interest to the Cartel, crime is very low, almost non-existent, as you would expect in any small town, rural or tourist area.  Look, crime is simply not as ubiquitous here as it is in the US.  It’s pocketed in hot zones and corridors, and almost completely cartel centric. All the more important to follow the news, take the toll-roads, never drive at night and never interact with the mafia.  And that’s how I’ve made it 15 years living outside the US without much of a problem. 

Oh, back to the people!  Nayaritas are warm, welcoming, honest and helpful.  As an odd-looking white guy speaking broken Spanish I make new friends almost daily.  As far as women-folk, the jury’s out.  Oddly enough, I had it pretty good in Nogales.  I can’t explain why exactly, but Nogales and Sonora are home to some pretty gorgeous women.  As far as Chacala, I don’t hold out much hope.  Its numbers are too small for the odds to be favorable.  On the flip side, the women of Guadalajara (colloquially known as Tapatias) are famously beautiful.  Taller, thinner, better-educated and well coifed.  And Puerto Vallarta, while saturated with LGBTQ, has numerous universities which tends to bode well for women of quality.  I had a first date last weekend in Puerto Vallarta – just coffee. Let’s just say there won’t be a dinner date 🤷‍♂️ Nope, dating from Chacala won’t be easy, but outside of Brazil, when is it ever easy!?

The CONS:

The Cost of Living

Four years ago Dollar to peso 24:1

Today Dollar to peso 19:1

Two primary factors at play here.  The first, inflation.  So goes the US, so goes Mexico a year later.  Your inflation problems have somehow infected us.  I guess we are each other’s primary trading partners and there are a lot of things here “Made in the USA.”  Most of the gasoline is still refined in the US, shipped as crude oil north and then shipped as gasoline back to Mexico.  They need to build some damn refineries here!  My old Yukon only gets 12 mpg and gas is costing me over $5 a gallon so filling up hits me for about $125!  The second factor is that the pinche US Dollar is historically weak. Since 2020 the Dollar has weakened over 20% versus the Mexican Peso. I did not factor in this decline into my fragile retirement budget!

The Infrastructure

On the chance you don’t know, this is a second or third-world country.  I’m not loving the dependency on filtered water for drinking and delivery truck water for bathing. Buying all this water is both expensive and inconvenient.  I’m not loving living off of a generator-powered battery pack.  This “modern” yet actually primitive way of juicing a house is too expensive to run an air conditioner and not powerful enough to heat a little air fryer.  The owner of the RV wants to go solar and stay off the grid – Ha! He and I will need to have a talk when he returns next month.  I’m also not loving the slow, spotty internet.  Mine is provided over cell service and as I sit here typing, there is no cell service. None! Going on 24 hours now.  And no cell service means no texting, no apps, no socials and no streaming.  Thus the blog post!  And don’t get me started on the condition of the roads.  Thank goodness I have a lifted 4×4 truck because those that don’t are destroying their little cars.  I live on 45 degree pitched dirt path which has all but washed away this month.  It’s rock crawling to get from my place to town center.  The five mile road to the highway is plagued with 100 potholes that will dent a steel rim if directly hit.  And then the “highway” to the big cities is actually just a two lane, double yellow lined, 40 mph trail dotted with speed bumps and humps.  Driving here really sucks.

So by my count – 4 PROS and 2 CONS so far.  It’s a mixed bag.  You could say it’s 66.7% positive at this point.  The logical me says I can easily improve that to 80%, and maybe 90% with a strong effort and a little luck.  Start eating better, exercise and lose 20 lbs.  Get me some more friends, get me a woman, maybe a dog.  Figure out the water, electrical and internet situation.  Elon Musk’s Starlink?  90% good would be better than I’ve had it the last few years and would rival living in Rio de Janeiro, ah the memories.  Hey, who among us can claim 90% paradise?  DM me if you can 😉

TTYS